10 Things You Do Not Want to Hear on Your Death Bed

Okay, so this might sound like a rather morbid way to think about life, especially if you are in the absolute purple of health and firmly believe that you will live to be a 100. But the fact is (and both you and I know it very well) that we are all going to die some day, some of us later than others (and for selfish reasons I'm hoping I will be in this last-named category).

I mean, you could even die tomorrow or the day after or, keeping our fingers crossed, even the day after that... or you could die while reading this piece (in which case, please leave a comment before you do). But the fact still stands. As long as we haven't yet discovered the elixir of permanent youth, the grave is always staring at us, like a big black hole waiting to suck us in.

So now that you are well prepared for this rather exciting scenario, and are probably already thinking about what colour of sheet your death bed should have and what clothes you should be wearing in your final moments, you are very likely not thinking about what people might say to you when you are breathing your last (even if you do not know it).

Rather, you are probably happily dreaming about all the lovely things people will be saying about you at your funeral (yeah, why couldn't they have just told it to you before your face while you were alive or at least put it in your orkut profile). However, like the spoiltsports we are, we at Asylum, who are known for our magnanimous natures, have to break into your rather pleasant dreams and give you an idea of 10 things you probably might not want to hear when staring directly into the face of death. Here they are.

1. I hope your will is fully updated and has a mention of me somewhere. If it does, I hope you have fully taken into consideration all I have contributed to your life (for which I will be charging interest).

2. I feel the best of life is yet to come.

3. When I die, I hope I go painlessly.

4. You're not looking very good today. I hope that purple glow in your cheeks only means you're getting better.

5. My uncle had something similar. He went very quickly. But don't worry, that's probably just a one-off case.

6. I hope you've got a few dozen insurance policies and have nominated me in all of them.

7. Life is like a crate of beer. And I feel I've had a bit too much of it today.

8. Heaven must be a beautiful place, if it's any better than the time I'm having right now.

9. You can't be dying! I don't believe it!

10. I've been better...